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> Blah! > Movies, Music, Guitars & Comics > Fiction
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As most of you who've known me for a while (as in socially, not just through the words typed here), I've been gaining weight steadily since 2003. I tend to attribute this to my change in lifestyle during that time - I quit skating, moved into my own appartment where I ate only fast food, and pretty much never got off my fat ass. And now I have a belly so big people assume I'm a genetic experiment to see whether or not men can give birth. To twins. So recently I decided, once and for all, to get into something healthy. Now, this is a bit of a difficulty for me, not just because of my schedule, but because of my stance towards gyms. See, I don't believe in gyms. I don't understand them. Treadmills make me feel like a hamster, and I cannot get my head around the concept of getting fit for the sake of getting fit. It feels like the only goal to be achieved in going to the gym is to look good, full stop. Yes, I know it sounds stupid considering that's what my aim is in the first place, but that's just me. I prefer getting fit through a form of exercise where I'm learning something, like a sport. Therein comes the problem as I've never been good at team sports of any kind. That's why I got into skating, it's a personal thing. I could roll around that board as much as I want and no one would be giving me shit for not passing properly (although occasionally kids would laugh at me for not being able to do half the tricks they can do). But the board is gone, and I decided to get into something else. Boxing. It of course didn't hurt that I was a huge Bruce Lee fan when I was a young teenager. But, now that I'm older, I didn't want to do any Eastern martial arts mainly because I didn't want to have to memorize hundreds of punches, kicks, graples, katas, etc. I wanted to do something similar to a martial art, but not. Hence, boxing. The good thing about boxing is that there are only four punches, a few blocks and a bunch of leg work. The skill comes from combining them corectly. And the good thing for someone like me taking up boxing is the workout. My God, the workout kills me. For a guy that can do, at the most, twenty sit ups and a handful of push ups, going through the routine in boxing has me sweating like a priest in a nunnery within the first five minutes. I had no idea jumping jacks were so goddamn tiring! I now have an incredible new found respect for boxers. The amount of stamina and strength required is unparalled. I'm dying after a minute of punching just a bag, and yet these professionals stay in the ring for 3 minutes a round for twelve rounds?! Wow. Mucho respecto. It's also a great way to work out aggresion. Especially during the time I joined I had a lot of pent up aggression in me and what better way to let it all out then to whack a big ol' punching bag. But, let's face facts here, it's still early days and I'm still a tubby weakling. I tweaked my wrist (the same bad wrist that I tweaked when shooting the chase scene in Ciplak), I wake up the day after a session aching all over and everyone else in the class has much more stamina than me. I'm hoping I don't give up this class. The monthly payments should give me enough incentive to go so as to not waste that money. The more I look at myself and realise my age the more I feel the need to get healthier before this lifestyle of mine catches up to me and escalates into a hundred and one medical bills by the time I'm thirty. Need to get fitter. Of course, considering I'm writing this in coffee bean whilst drinking fattening caffeine-infused latte's and smoking cigarettes, it's gonna take a while. When X Men 3 came out, I had super high hopes combined with the tiniest of doubts in the back of my head. On the plus side, they not only were going to do the Dark Phoenix storyline, but also elements of the Joss Whedon run with the whole mutant 'cure', and Brett Ratner was still keeping in tone with Bryan Singer's style. Hell, I got nothing against Brett. I've enjoyed his past movies, ain't nothing wrong with the Brett-ster. But there was a worry: isn't there a bit too much going on? And there was. You've got all these new characters to introduce, a huge epic storyline and two and a bit hours to not only fit it all in, but also try and find some sense of closure. And it all felt rather messy indeed. My favorite X Men movie is still the second one - all the characters had already been introduced, there were a few new guys, true, but the main ones kept the story going and Wolverine got to go completely ape shit. The moment in the mansion when he first kills one of the soldiers all I could think was "Holy shit! They let Wolvie kill someone! They didn't even show that properly in the comic books until the whole Comics Code thing got lifted!" And I rejoiced. But X Men 3 was another kettle of fish. So much shit was going on that nobody got a chance to breath, least of all the audience. I mean, come on! Scott (Cylcops) gets killed and nobody seems to bat a fucking eye lid! What's up with that?! It seriously felt like the studios were nudging their wicked ways, saying "the first one made money, the second one made more! We need to keep it up! Stick everything in these damn books inside!" And what do you get? An unfocused mess. And Vinnie Jones as the Juggernaut. I recently bought the two disc DVD and watched the deleted scenes - there are so many cool battle shots that weren't used, probably because they were running out of time. But who knows? Maybe it would have paced it better? Or maybe they could have just chucked out a bunch of the sub-plots and streamlined the whole damn thing. Spiderman 3 suffers the same problem, but in a way, worse. You can't even say it was the fault of a new director or writer because it's pretty much the same team working on it, but there are so many elements in that movie that feel chucked in purely because the studio wants to please the fans so that more will come to the cinemas - look at this! There's Gwen Stacy! Venom! Sandman! Harry Osborne's story arc! Tons of stuff! And where does it lead to? Incredible coincidences. A meteorite containing the venom symbiote just happens to land nearby Peter. I know that trying to do the whole 'Secret Wars' storyline would be a bit too much, but that's just taking the piss! And Eddie Brock? I had no problems with the casting, I fucking love Topher Grace's work, but doesn't it all seem a bit too much that he wants to kill Peter Parker just because he found out he photoshoped a pic of Spidey? And what the fuck was the point of Gwen Stacy? She was just 'the other girl', but they didn't play anything from her original storyline, making her nothing more than a redundant blonde who just happened to be in Peter's line of sight. They could have used the secretary as the love interest. They played on it before, dammit. And it's been in the comics too, no meandering of the storyline there. And, seriously, what was the point in having Sandman there? Visual FX? That's it?! He pops up, turns into the Sandman, does some cool sandmonster shit, then repents. The bad guy I thought they should have stuck with was Harry. His story's been built up over the past two movies, and in this one, he gets to kick some serious ass in the first fight scene with Peter, a huge improvement on his daddy's fight with Spidey in part one. But, amongst all of this, I still watched it, and will probably watch it again, the same way I watched X Men 3 again - because there is some fun to be had in watching these characters come to life and beat the crap out of each other just like we read about it in comics. The scriptwriting is bad, but in my opinion, the script was pretty bad in the first Spiderman movie too. At least now, the second time I watch it, my hopes won't be so high. And besides, both movies still kick the shit out of the infernal turd that was the Ghost Rider movie. If I haven't already bombarded you with SMS's and e-mails, then it's probably because I haven't got your contact details to tell you that the NOFX CONCERT IS ON! Yes, that's right, it's confirmed: my company, FYI Entertainment, is bringing in NOFX on April 19th at RUUMS in KL (formerly 'Warp' club on Jln Sultan Ismail) with opening acts King Lychee and Y2k. The event is by INVITATION ONLY, and to get an invite there is an early bird registration fee of RM65 (registration at the door is RM75). Goody bags will also be available to the early birds. Hot damn, permits take a while to get done... Over twenty hours before the revelation of Jesus' weather-changing powers I was in a bus leaving from Media Prima in Bandar Utama to the KLIA airport together with 31 other assorted filmmakers, actors, producers and crew members, the majority of them winners of the Anugerah Skrin (myself included) together with people from Melodi, MHI and the Breakfast Show. Part of the prize was a trip to Hollywood to check out how the big boys make movies, and perhaps be inspired in our next endeavours. We went, we saw, we gaped and awed, and if you think I'm going to write about all of it here in one sitting you must be out of your mind. But don't, for a second, assume that the trip to Southern California was a hedonistic 'girls gone wild' party of debauchery. Far from it. In fact, our tour was so packed up that I didn't have much chance to check out any of the things I wanted to. I didn't get to go to Taco Bell and I did not have any Twinkies. Besides, as you'll read on from the points below, L.A. isn't exactly a wild place... Ten Things I Learnt In LA 1. Californians don't know how to party. Or, at least, they don't know how to party continously. Whilst the streets of KL are still rife with activity at two in the morning on a Monday, in Cali people go to sleep. They hang out at home and watch TV and the streets are a ghost town by eleven. Even in Hollywood. Example? This is Sunset Boulevard on a Tuesday night, the place where both the Viper Room and the Whiskey A-Go-Go reside: Wow. I asked a local about this. He said that the night only comes alive on weekends. In the meantime, people do their job and then they go home. Plus, it was Spring Break, and all the kids were in Tijuana. But perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps they know how to party, but it's an exclusive party, one that an alien-with-a-visa is not welcome to unless he or she was connected. No matter. If the party was there, I sure as shit wasn't. 2. Taxi's in L.A. are extortionately priced. Example? From my hotel in San Pedro to Sunset Boulevard cost eighty six bucks. Eight six?! On my last day, when I took a cab from Camarillo to a guitar centre in Oxnard, on the same road and only 7 miles away, I got charged twenty five bucks. This is insanity. 3. Islanders rule. As do Hispanics and African-Americans. Perhaps it's because we looked similar, I dunno, but amongst them I didn't feel too much like an alien-with-a-visa. A big shout out to Stephen the Cingular cellphone guy and Omar the Peruvian construction dude, though you may never read this. No offence to white guys, but seriously, y'all Californians were just starring at me. Just plain starring. Why? Have you never seen an Asian in the VIP queue for the Jimmy Kimmel show before? 4. Hooters is overrated. And the food portions are tiny. Although I hear this is not the case in the southern states. 5. Hollywood Boulevard is not glamorous. In fact, all the way down the sidewalks, adorned with big golden stars and famous celebrities' names in them, are homeless people, panhandlers, pimps and pushers. A Vietnam vet asked me for change, for God's sake. I didn't think Vietnam vets still existed on the streets, but there he was. I was so taken aback I gave the guy a couple of bucks. 6. Dinner's with a show are a strange affair. And I don't mean like having a dinner at the Copa with Frank Sinatra crooning centre-stage. No, I mean the Pirates Dinner Experience (or whatever it was called), where you are served chicken and shrimp whilst facing a mock-up pirate ship and struggling actors, actresses, singers and stuntmen try to entertain you by stopping from eating every five minutes to raise your glass of coke and shout "AARRR!!" Good for the kids, though. 7. Goofy's an asshole. For those who've been reading this blog, you'll know that my only intention for going to Disneyland was to punch Goofy in the face and make him tell me just what kind of animal he's supposed to be. But as we got there the magic of the, well, magic kingdom took over and I was enchanted once again by seeing Mickey, Donald, Cinderella and Woody walk around, life-sized and plush. So when I saw Goofy I obviously wanted to take a photo with him. And the bastard mutant dog dissed me. The evil fucker raised his paw in a 'talk-to-the-hand' kind of way and walked off. But I'll have my revenge. Oh, yes. One day, I'll have my revenge. And when Doctor Moreau gets Goofy back and sees how badly beaten he is he'll lament ever creating the sordid creature. 8. Hollywood lies. It's weird. I always knew that making movies is all about presenting a reality, regardless of how real everything is, but seeing the actual sets and studio lots made me realize just how much of what we see on TV and in the movies is fake, and how goddamn well they pull it off. We went to Fox, Paramount and Warner Bros and their studio lots and soundstages are incredibly. We got a long way to go indeed. 9. Warner brothers sounds like 'Water Bladder' when spoken by an Asian, non-English speaking tour guide. And there was much merriment about this. 10. Liquids are weapons in the hands of terrorists. As are shoes. This is what I discovered at LAX. All liquids had to be put into a plastic baggie for inspection and shoes had to be x-rayed. I suppose the fear is that a terrorist will combine different proportions of different ordinary household liquids inside their shoes to make makeshift napalm bomb. Or something. Well, that's it for the LA trip. It may sound sarcastic, but in truth I had lots of fun and everyone I travelled with were really cool, kick-ass, down-to-earth guys, especially Afdlin, Sheema and Hasnul, the trio I spent the most time with down in Southern Cali. I may not have even had time to make any phone calls (sorry, Jess! I really wanted to call but I didn't even get to call my girlfriend and parents more than once!) or meet anyone I supposed to or blog about it whilst I was there or even have a Taco Bell burrito, but I had fun, no doubt. Now all I have to do is win next year so that I can finally give Goofy the thrashing the dumb fuck deserves. And if you think I'm gonna write about what happened at Mickey's on Santa Monica Boulevard, well, that's between me and Jose. Let's face facts: most of you readers (the few of you out there) probably don't come to my gigs, and probably with good reason. You may believe yourself too mature to attend loud noise and hair swinging about. But I'll keep sticking these damn flyers up, regardless, in the vain hope that maybe one of you takes a chance or just to show off what little design knowledge I have. So here they are, a flurry of flyers, starting with: Yup. Y2k's finally got a feature night at Jam Asia, together with supporting acts Stonebay and Ben's Bitches, which should be a fun and frolic filled night indeed. Then, the next weekend, there's a gig that Ojie from Stonebay invited Triple 6 Poser to play in: Should be a lark. Plus, all you tech-heads out there will get to check out them Junction amps that Stonebay have been using. Myself? I'm happy with my Laney. Used it for the last gig and they had to turn my volume down to two. Nice. Then, comes the big one for April. If all goes well, Y2k will be opening for a well-known punk band that don't even need MTV and major label bollocks to push them to the heights they are in right now: And before you ask, yes, FYI Entertainment is the organizer and no, you will not get free tickets from me. Although I may be willing to barter for deviant sexual favours. Favours that may involve small, furry mammals and honey. After that, it's another TRI Friday gig, with another wacky concept: That's right! Pop covers! Y2k's gonna fit right in... There are plenty more gigs coming up, but I haven't got the flyers for them yet. Y2k should be playing at Laundry the day before the TRI Friday gig and there are a couple more slots for both Y2k and Triple 6 Poser. It's a busy time to be a musician, and my callouses are getting very hard indeed. And so it begins. The soundbites alone are pure cliche. I have heard these words uttered by my peers when I was the same age. And watching it at this age is fucking hillarious. "Suck it in." "You're not doing it properly!" "Cough... cough... cough...! Ewww...!" "Awesome, isn't it?" "Don't tell anyone I took a puff." "You light another one and I'll try another one." "I don't want to get addicted." "You won't. I've gone a week without it. It's easy." "I feel like there's something in my throat that's stuck." "Isn't it cool?" "Ok, take a deep breath... now release...! Feels good, no?" "COUGH! My breath stinks now!" "It's ok, you're still young..." The one with braces speaks with pure teenage confidence. You know the type I'm talking about - the fake confidence of youth, bordering on pomposity and arrogance. The type of confidence you can get away with at that age. God, this makes me feel old. Another question has popped up in my head: why am I not stopping this? Am I bad for not stopping this? Am I not doing my duty as someone who's gone through the same thing and am now stuck on fifty sticks a day? No. I'm watching kids growing up. And it's their choice. I know this confidence/arrogance. I know this scene. I've lived it, and I know that if some tubby fuck came up to me and started giving me the whole "when I was a lad" crap I'd give him a dose of that confidence. And if they're as stupid as me, well, tough titty. But if catch my brother with a pack I'm kicking his ass. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, thanks to the news that a person we've needed to contact but seems to have been avoiding us for the past two weeks has finally admited that he's scared of helping us out with an upcoming event due to a very ignorant and uninformed assumption on the event. So, instead of telling us this two weeks ago so that we could find someone else, he avoids us. Runs to the shadows, cowering like a rat. More and more delays with this event that we shall not speak of till the time is right. Delays left, right and center thanks to people like this. This, and more. Another delay was caused out of pure greed on the part of the other party, so greedy they were that they wanted us to agree to a deal that very blatantly states that we'll lose money. Why, in the name of all things bright and fucking beautiful, would anyone agree to that?! Why, why in unholy fuck do these people wish to fuck with us? And why, godammit, why am I putting up with this?! It's hit the last fucking straw now. We are in supernova. I am Peter Petrelli, and I'm about to blow Manhattan the fuck up. ...shit, did I just give away the plot of 'Heroes' to all of you who are watching it week-by-week? |
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See, back in the day I used to be into martial arts a LOT. Back when I was much younger, I used to do karate, kung fu and try out any other martial art that happened to be around.
Besides, even if I wanted to tell you all of it, it wouldn't be wise. I've taken a step into the Industry, and in the Industry, certain things are kept on the hush-hush for fear of ignorant press write-ups, sensationilist rumours and gossip-mag bollocks. Thank God I'm not too steeped into it just yet, my identity still not well known enough that I can safely put up this picture of me hanging out in front of Denny's at three o' clock in the morning with a copy of L.A. X-Press, smoking a cigarette. These are good times, and if ever I take one step too far into the Industry this picture may be deleted, along with my numerous posts alluding to sexually deviant behaviour and Jo Guest.
Sat on the table next to me on this windy wet day outside Coffee Bean are two girls, probably between fifteen and eighteen. The one with braces is showing the one without how to smoke a cigarette.